Robin's Rambles

My Faith

2011-03-01T15:32:00.000-08:00

In early March 2009 I found myself coming back to a faith in God. I know that God never left me but that I had walked away from any belief in Him. While listening to Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls on the deck of a cruise ship sing "Let it Ring" and specifically the lyric "Let it ring for Jesus cause I know He loves me too", I felt a flood in my heart and spirit. This "awakening", this crazy moment when I just said in my heart - I believe! had its foundation in my awareness that I never felt completely whole the entire 20+ years that I had done my best to be agnostic/atheist. God was always there, waiting patiently, until all the hurt and pain had been able to fully heal from the years of having a religion/church tell me I was destined for hell because of who I was and who I chose to love. Only after this time of healing was He able to bring Leah into my life. A Christian of a different kind. Very different then the Christians that I was accustomed to. She never once tried to "lead me to Jesus" but loved me for who I was and who I am. Would I have come back to faith without her, I believe so, but I think it would have taken longer. Plus I firmly believe that her coming into my life was part of God's plan for me.

The last two years have not been all sunshine and butterflies. There has been a lot of heartache for me, my family and some of my friends as they struggle with my return to a faith in God. They knew me and loved me as an unbeliever and many worried that I would return to my old fundementalist self. THIS DID NOT HAPPEN AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN. That is not the God I believe in.

I have struggled for the past year trying to figure out a way to state just exactly what my faith is and who God is to me. And then of course something I read and some music I have been listening to has reached me at my soul level. Isn't it amazing how God can speak to us in so many different ways. Anyhow I thought I would take a crack at what I believe - here goes:

I believe in God and that Jesus was God's son. I believe that God loves everyone and that my commitment to Jesus does not compel me to convert people to my faith. Other people's spritual experiences are as real and as sacred as mine is to me. I see God in everyone and everything and I hope for an afterlife but know that is more important to seek the kingdom of God here on Earth, by loving like Jesus loved- recklessly, without reservation, and without judgment.

I believe that it is important to know about other religions and spiritual practices and that no denomination is "righter" than the other. I do not believe that yoga and meditating are wrong and that Eastern religions can teach us Christians a thing or two about how to find stillness and the connection between the mind, the body, and the spirit. Jesus is my religion but I respect and honor other's beliefs or non belief without judgement.

I believe that heaven or an afterlife is for all of us. I do not believe that if you do not believe in Jesus that means that you are going to hell. I think that a church should embrace anyone who seeks refuge there - even if they are of a different faith, race or sexual orientation. I also believe that if a church is concerned more about other issues that that with what Jesus was concerned with - like ministering to the poor, feeding the hungry and fighting for social justice then it is not a church that I want be a part of.

I believe that Jesus died for all of us and not just a chosen few. I believe that some of the most Christ like people I have met do not even profess a belief in God/Christ.

I believe in the power of God's love. I believe in love.

Something Missing

2011-02-10T12:13:00.000-08:00

Recently I have found myself in the depths of melancholy.

January was a hard month for me. As many of you know we lost our cat, we found a tumor on our dog that has turned out to be cancer, and the house that we are renting went on the market and got offers right away. So this, combined with friends losing loved ones, my propensity for letting bad news happening in the world get to me, and just the general malaise I often feel during this time of the year were what I was sure was the cause of my depression.

But the more I prayed about it and the more I looked inward and thought about it the more I realized that, although I was affected by all of that the true reason behind my depression was that something was missing in my life.

This missing something is - attending church. At first I could not believe that was it since until a couple of years ago I had not been going to church for over 20 years and even after I started going again my attendance at services was sporadic at best. After moving to Vashon I have tried a couple of local churches but none of them have really fit. So it was easier to just not go. It finally hit me full force last night that this was truly it when I was talking to a friend about it on my commute home last night and a sense of peace and understanding filled my spirit. I had one of those "aha" moments.

So this Sunday you will find my butt on a pew somewhere.

Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:24-25)

A Time for Sorrow

2011-01-25T17:21:00.000-08:00

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to week and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time of war and a time for peace."

This very familiar passge from Ecclesiastes seems very applicable right now in my life and in the life of several of those closest to me.

I find myself definitely in a time of mourning. The sudden loss of our cat Jeb just a little over a week ago and the probable cancerous tumor that we just discovered on our dog, Zoe has left me reeling. Then there is the sadness of those whom I am closest to. My close friends, Lori and Rebekah, are dealing with the passing of Lori's mom.  My dear friend, Ashley has lost both a good friend and her grandfather, both in the last couple of weeks. I am finding myself surrounded by sadness and loss. Then this morning on my ferry ride and walk into work I found myself deep in prayer.
What a powerful thing prayer can be.

Not in the way that some imagine - in other words I don't feel the pain and sadness subside as much as I feel God's presence surrounding me and actually helping me to allow myself to mourn and to weep. Knowing that as much as everything seems out of control - and it truly is out of MY control - it is firmly in God's control.  He, our Creator, our Keeper, our Comfort, is in charge and although I can be crippled by grief and wonder why this is happening to me, I do find peace in my faith that God sees that which I cannot. I find peace in the hope that those whom we have lost are now in some other realm of consciousness, that they are with God.

God wants us to mourn, it is the natural thing to do when we have lost someone near to us. He also fully expects us to comfort those who are mourning. This is our responsibility as fellow travelers in this journey of life. So I will pray. I will pray for my family and my friends and their families. I will pray that God helps us all to find a deep wide space in our hearts for this grief so that we can deeply mourn those that we have lost.  I will pray that, after this time of deep sorrow, we will rise up again, and dance.

Thoughts on a beautiful spring day

2009-04-20T14:59:00.000-07:00

"Live simply so that others may simply live." Mahatma Gandhi

I have been reading a very inspiring book by Brian McLaren on social justice and the need for people and especially, those who call themselves the disciples of Christ, to start acting missional and doing the work that Jesus did and instructed his followers to do. We have gotten so far removed from this mission that the world is suffering; poverty, starvation, depletion of the earth's resources, global warming, wars and violence are everywhere. Yet the majority of Christians run around worrying about heaven, escaping hell, and whether or not gays and lesbians should be allowed to enter into the sacrament of marriage.

Good grief! Enough already!

A good friend of mine told me about how her pastor/church is challenging people to examine their lifestyles and to try to live a more simple existence for at least 50 days...the money that is saved by living simpler would then be donated to help build wells in Uganda. The link to the website can be found here: www.spillinghope.org This is the work that Christ instructed us to do.

Brian McLaren's book - Everything Must Change contains so much information, scripture, statistics, and inspiring insight into how we can change our world and help everyone and every living creature live a more equitable, sustainable existence. I encourage you to read it and to let it speak to your heart. He has several quotes from the author and theologian, John Scott. Here is one...“should gain the economic and political qualifications to join in the quest for justice in the world community. And meanwhile, the development of a less affluent lifestyle, in whatever terms we may define it, is surely an obligation that Scripture lays on us in compassionate solidarity with the poor. Of course we can resist these things and even use (misuse) the Bible to defend our resistance. The horror of the situation is that our affluent culture has drugged us; we no longer feel the pain of other people’s deprivations. Yet the first step toward the recovery of our Christian integrity is to be aware that our culture blinds, deafens and dopes us. Then we shall begin to cry to God to open our eyes, unstop our ears and stab our dull consciences awake, until we see, hear and feel what through his Word he has been saying to us all the time. Then we shall take action.”

McLaren's book states that: “The richest 1% of the world’s population owns almost 40%’ of total wealth, and the richest 5% owns 70% of the wealth. Take the assets of the world’s 3 richest individuals and you have the wealth that exceeds the combined gross domestic product (GDP) of the world’s 48 poorest countries.”

Jesus in Luke 16:19 does not prescribe hell to those who refuse to accept the message of justification by grace through faith, or those who do not express faith in a favored atonement theory by accepting Jesus as their “personal Savior”. Rather hell--literal or figurative--is for the rich and comfortable who proceed on their way without concern for their poor neighbor day after day.

To quote Gandhi once again: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Boy how sad and how true this statement is.

In another biblical passage, Jesus through the miracle of the bread and fishes, is showing us that we need a radically different economy…one that is about sharing what we already have instead of acquiring more and more. This Jesus led type of economy would be one of gratitude and sharing and not based on consuming faster and more.

Cornell West reported on the rising disparity between salaries of CEOs and the average worker. In 1960 the ratio was 12:1, 35:1 in 1974, 151:1 in 1995 and 301:1 in 2003. This system cannot encourage and build equity among the world. It will continue to divide the rich from the poor. Trickle down economics does not work.

Remembering his statement that the first would be last and the last first, I firmly believe that Jesus would want us to promote trickle up economics. Imagine living in a world where all had food, shelter and medical care…it would sure look like the kingdom of God that the Bible talks about.

So as disciples of Christ, believers of God in the way of Jesus, let’s get off of our asses and start working to help those who have so little, to minister to the poor, the discarded and the weak. To examine our extravagant lifestyles and see where we can cut back, to consume less and share more and to quote Gandhi one last time: "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Grace and Generosity

2009-04-07T11:08:00.001-07:00

GRACE

I am trying to learn to live more graciously. Just what does that mean - to live graciously?
The word grace has many definitions but the two that speak to me are: act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency; and the quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful.

So how am I trying to live more graciously? I am trying to be kinder, to act out of love and compassion for my fellow man and to be more thoughtful in both word and deed. God became human in the form of Jesus so that the world might be saved through His grace and we are called by God to act gracious towards each and every one.

I just finished a couple of books by Phillip Gulley and James Mulholland, both pastors in the Quaker church. One was titled; If Grace is True and; If God is Love. Both of these books spoke to my heart and have encouraged me to examine my own life and see how I can live in a more gracious and generous manner.

Here are some of the passages on graciousness that really stood out for me.

We need to recognize each other as children of a gracious God who, though our language and experience may differ, share a yearning to be united with the One who created us.

My greatest challenge is treating each and every person as a child of God. It is remembering this wonderful grace, which has overwhelmed me, is also at work in every other person.

Becoming gracious will require a reformation…we will have to surrender the Bible as our ace in the hole and Jesus as a backstage pass. The Church will have to serve, rather than dominate, the world. Christianity will need to reclaim its most distinctive doctrine – the universal grace of God. …We’ll need to identify Christians not by what they believe about Jesus, but by their willingness to be like him.

Gracious Christianity is committed to the lifestyle of Jesus, confident that living his way of life can usher in the kingdom of God. It trusts that God still moves and acts in the world, not simply in Christians, but in anyone who commits to loving neighbor and enemy. …it can focus on living in the present rather than worrying about the future. Gracious Christianity doesn’t demand that people accept Jesus as Lord and Savior, but invites people to consider his example and imitate his way.

GENEROSITY

In If God is Love there is an account of two amazing men who exemplify generosity. The first was Jacob Shenk, a businessman during the depression who gave away 90% of his profits to charitable causes and to the farmers who worked for him. The other was about Bob Thompson who built up the largest paving company in Michigan and upon his retirement sold the company for $422 million and gave most of the money to charity and gave $128 million directly back to his 550 employees, some of whom had been with his company since the beginning. When asked why he gave all of his money away he simply stated that it gave him great joy.

I imagine that amidst all the pain and suffering that Jesus experienced in his earthly lifetime, he also experienced a great sense of joy in giving so generously to those in need.

I think that it is important to remember that people are always more important than possessions and that we have a responsibility to see that ALL people have their basic needs met and not just those that reside in our country, or whose culture, race or religion is the same as ours.

"From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required; and from the one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded (Luke 12:48)."

This verse from Luke speaks so directly to me. Although I do not live in a mansion or own a personal jet, I do have a very good life, much has been given to me. My basic needs are fully met and then some. Most of the time I have my wants met as well. As a child I did not always have enough to eat and toys were definitely a luxury and new ones very rare. Our clothes were most often hand me downs from friends. It was very often rough and I think this had a great effect on me and is what drives my need to accumulate. I always want the latest gadget and I have more clothes then I will ever wear. I need to make some changes and do my best to buy less and give more. I need to follow my daughter's example and give wholly and joyfully.

Give to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you (Matthew 5:42)

Jesus doesn't tell us to give to some of the people who beg from us or to not refuse some of the people who want to borrow, he states that we are to give to EVERYONE who begs and to not refuse ANYONE who wants to borrow. This is a hard one. I often feel compelled to give money to street people who I deem really need it, the ones that seem like they would have a hard time finding work or seem incapacitated in some way. But I have a much harder time and often do not give to those I feel could find work or are just looking for a handout. Yet Jesus seems pretty clear that this is not what he meant. EVERYONE and ANYONE are pretty conclusive words. So this is something I know that I am going to struggle with but definitely want to change. I plan on making sure I always have cash on hand so that I can follow Jesus' example.

I am not sure where the path of living graciously and generously will take me but I am looking forward to the journey.

McLaren or Driscoll?

2009-03-24T13:23:00.000-07:00

The past couple of days I have been reading and listening a lot to Brian McLaren and a little to Mark Driscoll. I always like to keep an open mind and two hear different, sometimes opposing view points. I have to be honest and say that pretty much EVERYTHING about Mark Driscoll turns my stomach. He has been compared to a modern day Jonathan Edwards and I would whole heartedly agree with that comparison. In case you are unfamiliar with who Jonathan Edwards was, he was a staunch Calvinist preacher who penned the famous sermon; “Sinners in the hands of an angry God”. Edwards lived during that ‘enlightened’ period in our country’s history where we burned people at the stake for being witches. He and Mark Driscoll both share the belief that God basically hates humanity. I listened to several of Driscoll’s Youtube rants where he shares his thoughts on women, homosexuality, and his belief that the idea of Jesus as being a loving, forgiving God is incorrect and we need to return to view God as both vengeful and full of wrath. He goes further to call church leaders and the churches that preach this type of Jesus as being “chick-i-fied” and calls the pastors “limp-wristed” and “effeminate”. Those are his words not mine. If you don’t believe me do some research for yourself.

Juxtapose this with the work of Brian McLaren, also an Evangelical Christian, who talks predominately about Jesus’ love for humanity and God’s desire for us to have a personal interdependent relationship with Him. McLaren speaks and writes about our mission as Christians; to the poor; the environment; the disenfranchised; the broken; the hungry; and etc. You know, the same things that Jesus talked about.

Does that mean that Mark Driscoll does not care about the same things that Brian McLaren does? I do not have that answer. I can only go by what they each seem to spend their energies on and based on the fruits of those energies.

I think I will stick with what I know about Jesus and what He asked of us, which is among other things, to love your neighbor and your enemies, to forgive, to turn the other cheek, and to help the poor. In fact the times when we see Jesus getting angry and showing any violence at all is when He throws the money changers out of the temple - why - because they are cheating the poor.

So am I a follower of Driscoll or McLaren? Actually I am a follower of neither. I think I will follow Jesus because when I seek who God is, I see a Jesus who, although God, became human so that He could give His life as the ultimate sacrifice in order to restore and redeem humanity and to give us the ability to have a true dependent relationship on God. I see a God who cares about us all deeply and who through Jesus healed the sick, fed the hungry, ministered to anyone and everyone, and played with children.

How do I define myself?

2009-03-17T11:19:00.001-07:00

I have recently been thinking a lot about who I am and how others see me. You know - definitions, labels, all that crap. I have always liked what Ani DiFranco says about being defined.

"It's not important to be defined. It's only important to use your time well."
Ani DiFranco

BUT people do like definitions...and I have been thinking a lot about them so - How do I define myself? I am going to limit myself to 10 things that I feel are the most defining about myself.

1. A woman...yes even though I often dress like a teenage boy, I am okay being a girl. However I do have some traits that would be considered masculine. There is a lot about being a guy that is appealing to me but I have never wanted to change my gender or felt like I was in the wrong body. Although, due to my short hair, I am often mistaken for being male.

2. Queer...we gays claimed this word as our own years ago and I proudly wear it. I have known I was gay since I was very young. Something more than just being merely a tomboy. There was a definite attraction to other girls and a definite non attraction to boys with the exception that I wanted to be a boy which is completely different from wanting to be of the male gender. I just gravitated towards "boy" things and away from "girl" things. Just ask my sisters about all of their dolls that met their demise by my hands. I still prefer more "guy" oriented activities rather than going shopping or such.

3. A seeker of God/Infinite Truth. I cannot come up with a better way to put this but to say that I have always sought something beyond myself, beyond that which I could see or touch. Probably explains why I gravitated towards transcendental authors in both high school and college. I crave transcendental experiences.

4. An Environmentalist. The natural world is so important to me. I feel most complete and at ease when there is dirt beneath my feet, the sounds of rushing water, and crisp clean air to breathe. It is here that I am most in touch with life and feel the presence of the Creator.

5. A Thinker. Some would say, actually most who know me would say that I spend too much time thinking and not enough feeling. This is probably true. I like to think about things. I like to take something and learn all I can about it and then spend a great deal of time thinking about it. It is a definite hindrance to me at times and I am doing my best to let life contain mystery and not feel that I have to figure it out. My daughter tends to be a thinker and I love this about her.

6. Family oriented. I love being a wife and mother. Nothing brings me greater pleasure or greater pride. It is my highest calling and the thing I hold the most dear. I would easily give my life for my family.

7. A loyal friend. I am not always a good friend but I do think I am a loyal friend. I will stick by my friends and defend them no matter what the cost. Like my family I would give my life for my close friends.

8. A reader. I can lose myself in the written word. It brings me great joy to pick up a new book and to lose myself in it. I cannot imagine a life without books.

9. Open. I am who I am - good or bad. I don't like to pretend to be something I am not and find it almost impossible to fake it. Many would say I lack tact and they are most likely correct. Oh well - take me or leave me.

10. Of Irish Descent. My ancestry has become increasingly important to me as I grow older. I like knowing where my people came from, their culture and their way of life. I am very proud to be Irish.

Lá ‘le Pádraigh

2009-03-17T08:02:00.000-07:00

Lá ‘le Pádraigh is Gaelic for Happy St. Patrick's Day, the day when everyone is Irish.

My family and I attended the Irish Festival this weekend at the Seattle Center. I always love going to this event and I always feel something inherent in me that relates to the music and the culture of Ireland. I am a believer that we carry in our genetic code parts of our ancient ancestry. My ancestry is predominately Irish and before that Celtic, my great grandfather came to the US in 1810 from County Donegal. In fact All Magonegils, McGonigles, McGonagall or however you spell it originated in Donegal. So I am proud to be Irish and I feel a kinship to the Celts especially their relationship to the divine through nature. The Celts also believed in many gods and a lot of these were very warlike so there are also aspects that I don't relate to. But I do feel God most when I am immersed in nature...be it the woods, on the ocean or just watching birds and other animals. I often think I would of been more like Thoreau if I had been born in a different time. Solitude in nature appeals to me and is where my soul feels most at peace.

I have been listening to Brandi Carlile a lot lately and she has this one song that has really been speaking to me. It is Have You Ever and the lyrics go:

have you ever wandered lonely through the wood? and everything it feels just as it should you're part of the life there, part of something good if you've ever wandered lonely through the woods

have you ever stared into a starry sky? lyin' on your back you're askin' why? what's the purpose, I wonder who am I if you've ever stared into a starry sky

Then of course you have Saint Patrick...the patron Saint of Ireland. The thing I love the most about Saint Patrick is that before he came to Ireland to spread the word of God he had been enslaved there. So he comes back to the people whom had enslaved them to offer himself freely into service. Crazy...plus he got rid of all the snakes. What a guy.

So as you reflect upon this very Irish holiday and lament the fact that you are not as Irish as the Magonegil family, I hope you can at least appreciate the fact that we Irish let you non Irish be a part of it.

Thoughts of a second class citizen

2008-11-12T16:56:00.000-08:00

The passing of Proposition 8 in California has not really had that great of affect on me until the last couple of days. I guess I was still walking on air due to the elections and did not let it sink in that once again gay people are being classified as second class citizens. I can’t understand why the promise of unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness guaranteed in the Declaration of Independence does not include gay citizens of the United States.

Martin Luther King Jr. talked about his dream that his children would one day live in a nation where they would not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I too have a dream that my children would one day live in a nation where people would not be judged by their sexual orientation but by the content of their character.

I am planning on attending the March and rally this Saturday in protest of Prop 8 and want to take my children with me. This of course, is going to mean that I have to explain to my daughter why we are marching. She is almost 5 now and I am sure she will be able to understand the basics of it enough. I have put this conversation off for as long as I could but since we just had a discussion around the historical importance of Barak Obama’s election this seems like an appropriate time to broach this subject. It saddens me. I love my kids more than I ever imagined and I just want to spare them the hate that exists in this world. I also know that the realization that her family is different in a way that some people feel is wrong is going to make her sad too.

Of course a major reason that Prop 8 passed in California is due to religion and the belief that being gay is against God and a choice. This past year had brought so much healing in my heart, a reconciliation of sorts for me with my beliefs. Because of the intolerance in the church I gave up all beliefs in God and am just now (more than 15 years later) able to accept that I do still have faith in a Creator, and this just brings me back to a place of frustration. Why is so much hatred and intolerance spread in Christ’s name? I have several friends that are Christians and they are tolerant, loving individuals, concerned with social justice and the same problems in the world that Christ himself was concerned with; poverty, hatred, intolerance and injustice. They keep me safe from returning to that place where I judged all Christians by the acts of those whose message is so polluted with hate and intolerance.

I just want the same rights and privileges as everyone else…nothing more but nothing less!!!

Hope and Joy !

2008-11-05T08:27:00.000-08:00

I decided to wait to post to my personal blog until something really momentous happened.

The election of Barak Obama as President certainly fits the bill.

It may take a while for me to complete my thoughts on this as I will need several breaks for my eyes to dry...you see I have been crying almost every time I think about it. I just never in my wildest dreams thought an African American would be president. I firmly believed that America's racism would always rear its ugly head to eliminate that possibility. I stand happily corrected.

As I listened to Barak Obama deliver his acceptance speech last night, I watched intently as they scanned the crowd. Seeing Jesse Jackson with tears streaming down his face was almost more than I could handle. This man, who knelt beside Martin Luther King as he lay dying on that motel balcony, deserved to see this day. Al Sharpton, Oprah Winfrey, the folks gathered at Ebeneezer Baptist Church (MLK's church) deserved to see this day. You and I did too but as African Americans I feel they deserved it more.

Thomas Friedman, New York Times columnist wrote - "And so it came to pass that on November 4, 2008, shortly after 11 p.m. Eastern time, the American Civil War ended, as a black man -- Barack Hussein Obama -- won enough electoral votes to become president of the United States."

So this morning on my long bus ride into work I thought about my friend, my mentor, Pastor Zachary Bruce. He taught me more about racism in the short time that I worked with him then all the years that I have been a social activist working for racial equality. This educated, articulate, intelligent and always impeccably dressed man once asked me to carry a TV that we needed for a presentation down a city street for him. Pastor Bruce was always a gentleman so this took me by surprise. He would never think of asking a woman to carry something this heavy for him without a compelling reason and so I agreed but asked him why he couldn't carry it. The answer was both disheartening and educational. He was worried that people would assume that he had stolen it. Throughout the time I worked with Zac he shared many stories with me about facing racism first hand. Stories like how his mother always taught he and his siblings to not put their hands in their pockets in stores lest the clerks would think they stole something. And how nontheless the clerks would follow him around stores watching even though he followed his mother's advice.

Another time Zachary and I were returning from a conference in Oregon and while driving near Tenino, Washington traffic was diverted from I-5 onto small country roads. Zachary immediately grew tense and apprehensive, scared to be driving alone with a white woman in the car with him. I slid down into the seat, hiding until we were able to get back onto the main interstate.

This is the world we live in but it just got a little better.

So this is for Pastor Zachary Bruce and to all my brothers and sisters of color and for my children.

Hallelujah!!!

Here is to a brighter future for us all !!!