My Faith

In early March 2009 I found myself coming back to a faith in God.  I know that God never left me but that I had walked away from any belief in Him.  While listening to Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls on the deck of a cruise ship sing "Let it Ring" and specifically the lyric "Let it ring for Jesus cause I know He loves me too", I felt a flood in my heart and spirit.  This "awakening", this crazy moment when I just said in my heart - I believe! had its foundation in my awareness that I never felt completely whole the entire 20+ years that I had done my best to be agnostic/atheist.  God was always there, waiting patiently, until all the hurt and pain had been able to fully heal from the years of having a religion/church tell me I was destined for hell because of who I was and who I chose to love.  Only after this time of healing was He able to bring Leah into my life.  A Christian of a different kind.  Very different then the Christians that I was accustomed to.  She never once tried to "lead me to Jesus" but loved me for who I was and who I am.  Would I have come back to faith without her, I believe so, but I think it would have taken longer.  Plus I firmly believe that her coming into my life was part of God's plan for me. 

The last two years have not been all sunshine and butterflies.  There has been a lot of heartache for me, my family and some of my friends as they struggle with my return to a faith in God.  They knew me and loved me as an unbeliever and many worried that I would return to my old fundementalist self.  THIS DID NOT HAPPEN AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN.  That is not the God I believe in. 

I have struggled for the past year trying to figure out a way to state just exactly what my faith is and who God is to me.  And then of course something I read and some music I have been listening to has reached me at my soul level.  Isn't it amazing how God can speak to us in so many different ways.  Anyhow I thought I would take a crack at what I believe - here goes:

I believe in God and that Jesus was God's son.  I believe that God loves everyone and that my commitment to Jesus does not compel me to convert people to my faith. Other people's spritual experiences are as real and as sacred as mine is to me.  I see God in everyone and everything and I hope for an afterlife but know that is more important to seek the kingdom of God here on Earth, by loving like Jesus loved- recklessly, without reservation,  and without judgment.

I believe that it is important to know about other religions and spiritual practices and that no denomination is "righter" than the other.  I do not believe that yoga and meditating are wrong and that Eastern religions can teach us Christians a thing or two about how to find stillness and the connection between the mind, the body, and the spirit. Jesus is my religion but I respect and honor other's beliefs or non belief without judgement. 

I believe that heaven or an afterlife is for all of us. I do not believe that if you do not believe in Jesus that means that you are going to hell.  I think that a church should embrace anyone who seeks refuge there - even if they are of a different faith, race or sexual orientation.  I also believe that if a church is concerned more about other issues that that with what Jesus was concerned with - like ministering to the poor, feeding the hungry and fighting for social justice then it is not a church that I want be a part of. 

I believe that Jesus died for all of us and not just a chosen few. I believe that some of the most Christ like people I have met do not even profess a belief in God/Christ. 

I believe in the power of God's love.  I believe in love. 

Something Missing

Recently I have found myself in the depths of melancholy. 

January was a hard month for me.  As many of you know we lost our cat, we found a tumor on our dog that has turned out to be cancer, and the house that we are renting went on the market and got offers right away.  So this, combined with friends losing loved ones, my propensity for letting bad news happening in the world get to me, and just the general malaise I often feel during this time of the year were what I was sure was the cause of my depression. 

But the more I prayed about it and the more I looked inward and thought about it the more I realized that, although I was affected by all of that the true reason behind my depression was that something was missing in my life. 

This missing something is - attending church.  At first I could not believe that was it since until a couple of years ago I had not been going to church for over 20 years and even after I started going again my attendance at services was sporadic at best. After moving to Vashon I have tried a couple of local churches but none of them have really fit. So it was easier to just not go. It finally hit me full force last night that this was truly it when I was talking to a friend about it on my commute home last night and a sense of peace and understanding filled my spirit.  I had one of those "aha" moments. 

So this Sunday you will find my butt on a pew somewhere. 

Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:24-25)

A Time for Sorrow

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to week and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time of war and a time for peace."

This very familiar passge from Ecclesiastes seems very applicable right now in my life and in the life of several of those closest to me.


I find myself definitely in a time of mourning.  The sudden loss of our cat Jeb just a little over a week ago and the probable cancerous tumor that we just discovered on our dog, Zoe has left me reeling. Then there is the sadness of those whom I am closest to. My close friends, Lori and Rebekah, are dealing with the passing of Lori's mom.  My dear friend, Ashley has lost both a good friend and her grandfather, both in the last couple of weeks.  I am finding myself surrounded by sadness and loss.  Then this morning on my ferry ride and walk into work I found myself deep in prayer. 
What a powerful thing prayer can be. 

Not in the way that some imagine - in other words I don't feel the pain and sadness subside as much as I feel God's presence surrounding me and actually helping me to allow myself to mourn and to weep.  Knowing that as much as everything seems out of control - and it truly is out of MY control - it is firmly in God's control.  He, our Creator, our Keeper, our Comfort, is in charge and although I can be crippled by grief and wonder why this is happening to me, I do find peace in my faith that God sees that which I cannot.  I find peace in the hope that those whom we have lost are now in some other realm of consciousness, that they are with God. 

God wants us to mourn, it is the natural thing to do when we have lost someone near to us.  He also fully expects us to comfort those who are mourning.  This is our responsibility as fellow travelers in this journey of life.  So I will pray.  I will pray for my family and my friends and their families.  I will pray that God helps us all to find a deep wide space in our hearts for this grief so that we can deeply mourn those that we have lost.  I will pray that, after this time of deep sorrow, we will rise up again, and dance.