Richard

I see Richard twice a week on the days when I take the 5:45 ferry.  We both work for the City of Seattle so we end up riding the ferry and the bus together.  In the past, before the accident, we talked of our lives, our children, and what books we had recently read or were currently reading.  We bonded over these common interests and became friends. 

After the accident I did not see him for a couple of months but thought about him daily, prayed for him every chance I could and often wept for him.  The first day I saw him returning to work it was apparent that he did not want to talk.  His demeanor and the way he hung back away from people made it very clear that he did not want to interact with anyone.  When we got on the bus together I sat, just for a moment, in the seat next to him.  I touched him, verbally acknowledged his obvious need for privacy and told him that I was so very sorry for his loss.  Since that time he and I have talked occasionally.  

We no longer talk about our children.  The raw emotion of the tragedy, that resulted in the loss of his son, are just too painful for him to share. But he does not have to talk about this loss to me for me to feel the depths of his grief.  It is visible in his face and in the way he carries himself.  When I am with him I see that sorrow and I feel woefully inadequate to offer any comfort.  I can in no way imagine what he is going through and find it heroic that he is able to even get out of bed. 

From our conversations, I know that Richard does not hold to any faith tradition. This makes my heart ache and I so wish I could find a way to share Jesus with him in a way that would not come across as proselytizing.  I am sure he has heard his fill of:  “Ryan is in a better place” or any other statements talking of heaven or the afterlife.  The idea of heaven brings little comfort to those that truly believe it so how much comfort can it bring to someone who does not hold any faith in a life after death.

I know that in my life when tragedy has struck, I cling to God and seek Him for comfort.  The belief that God is always with me helps me with the feelings of isolation and the sense of loneliness that comes with deep grief.  Yet even with this sense of God’s presence, while in the depths of grief and the senselessness of tragedy, I often feel doubt. 

The age old question of why God allows such events to occur haunts me.   

This question goes back thousands of years. It was asked by Job and the writers of the Psalms.  It is a theme in both the Old and New Testaments and in the New Testament, Jesus flat out tells His disciples that there would be suffering in this world.  

When asked this question my short answer is that I don’t know.  I cannot see through God’s eyes or know His purpose.  Our finite perspective does not allow us to understand everything in the way that God’s infinite wisdom allows.  I trust what the Apostle Paul tells me in Corinthians 13:12 -“All I know now is partial and incomplete but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.”  

What I understand and call upon when tragedy strikes is that, although I firmly believe that God is in control, He did create us to have free will.  When God created us He wanted us to experience love but to give us the ability to love He had to give us the free will to choose whether or not to love.  Love always involves a choice.  If we were just programmed to say “I love you” it would be hollow and would not really be love.  Sadly, humans have abused these choices and have chosen to walk away from God and make choices that are not right.  This allows evil to exist.

There are two kinds of evil, moral and natural.  

Moral evil is the pain, suffering and tragedy that come because we choose to make choices that are selfish, arrogant, uncaring, hateful and abusive.  When there is famine people look at the famine and wonder why God has allowed it to happen, but the world produces enough food for each person and it is our own irresponsibility and self-centeredness that prevents people from getting fed. 

The other kind of evil is natural evil.  Natural evil are things like earthquakes, tornadoes, fires, hurricanes, and tsunamis.  Things that occur in nature that cause suffering for people. There are those that believe that these types of tragedies occur because man turned away from God and sin entered the world and I while I agree somewhat with that, I also believe that this is just a part of the natural world and the process of evolution.

I believe that while God did not create evil, He did create the potential for that evil to enter the world because it was the only way to create the potential for genuine love and goodness.  Our free will and the choices that we make that are away from God is what brought that potential evil into reality.

We know that God is omnipotent and has the ability of foresight but He also knew the incredible potential for deep joy, love and meaning.  Just as parents know that when they choose to have children there is the very real potential for heartache, pain and disappointment.  There is the chance that their child may reject them and even walk away.  Yet we still have kids because there is also the great potential that they will bring us boundless joy and meaning.

I also believe that, although God may not cause the suffering and that tragedies and suffering are not good, God can use it to accomplish good. 

For Richard none of this brings any comfort, all he knows is the pain of losing his child.  And at this point all I can do is to let Christ shine through me so that I can be a steadfast presence of God's love for him.  

I don’t have the answers but I believe in a God who loves us and can bring us peace if we only follow Him.  In that same verse that Jesus tells us that there will be suffering, He also tells us that He will bring us peace and that He will overcome the suffering of the world.   

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) 

The following quote by Lee Strobel rings so true:  "God’s ultimate answer to suffering isn’t an explanation; it’s the incarnation. Suffering is a personal problem; it demands a personal response. And God isn’t some distant, detached, and disinterested deity; He entered into our world and personally experienced our pain. Jesus is there in the lowest places of our lives. Jesus was broken for us.  He was rejected, hated and despised; he was a man of sorrows and personally acquainted with deep grief.  He was loved and He was rejected and denied."

While they were suffering in a Nazi death camp at Ravensbruck, Betsie ten Boom told her sister Corrie the following as she was dying: “There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still.” 

I pray that Richard in some way feels God’s love.  

I pray that we all do.

Spiders, Evolution and Mark Driscoll

I was joined in the shower this am by a daddy long-legs spider that quickly succumbed to the pull of the water and was headed down the drain.  Lucky for the little guy I saw it in time and gently picked it up and moved it to safety outside the shower stall. 

Saving the spider made me think of how important every life is on earth, the interconnectedness of all living things with each other and God, and a recent statement made by Mark Driscoll (Head pastor of Mars Hill Church) at the Catalyst Christian Conference. 

The following is what Driscoll said:  “I know who made the environment and he’s coming back and going to burn it all up. So yes, I drive an SUV.”  WOW!  Yet God instructs us in Psalms that we are to be stewards of the earth.  “We are stewards of God's earth, ruling over that which is not ours. You [God] made humans ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under our feet: All flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.”  In Genesis it states that: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to till and keep it…" The Hebrew words shamar and abad, usually translated as "till and keep" in this verse, could be just as accurately translated as "serve and preserve." In his statement regarding God burning it all up, Driscoll, is referring to passages from Revelation that some believe are about a future time when Jesus will return for the saved and the earth will be consumed by fire.  Most modern theologians believe that when Revelation is read contextually (within the times/culture it was written) it is talking about events in John the Apostle’s lifetime and not the far off future.  Personally no matter what you believe about the book of Revelations, God makes it abundantly clear that He expects us to take care of his creation so Driscoll’s statement seems callous at best and at worst un-Christian as is not aligned with the Word of God.  I bet you Mark does not save wet spiders.

Ironically, this comes at the same time that I have been reading a very heady book titled The Emergent Christ.  It is a book about God and the process of Evolution.  Most of you know that my great passions are theology, literature, philosophy, art and biology.  Which is why I could not decide in college which to major in and have either a BA or minors in all of the above.  I specifically love Evolutionary biology but even with my education in biology, this book is really making me think and I find myself re-reading passages. The process of Evolution has always made perfect sense to me and I never had any issues still believing in a Creator.  This belief almost cost me my degree at Bethany Bible College as it did not align with the school’s staunch belief in either Intelligent Design or Creationism.  I had to attend “counseling” sessions with Professors of Theology and Biology who instructed me on the truth of Creationism and the falseness of Evolution.  I refused to withdraw my statement of belief in Evolution and only after I threatened to sue the college did they go ahead and let me graduate.  The President of the School did not shake my hand when he presented my my diploma. 

I wanted to share a couple of passages that have really struck me.  

“ the science of evolution helps open up new windows of insight to the God-world relationship whereby we see creation not as a static world but as a relationship between the dynamic being of God and a world in process of coming to be.”

“Evolution helps us realize that God works through the messiness of creation and is less concerned with imposing design on processes then providing nature with opportunities to participate in its own creation.” 

“In this world we humans do not occupy the center of the universe; neither are we superior to all other living beings.  Rather, the interconnectedness of life in our universe means that we are part of a web of life.”

“God is unbroken wholeness in movement, and creation is movement toward God-centered wholeness.” 

Read that last passage again - isn't it amazing.  

There are several great passages on quantum physics and God but I will spare you - this is heady stuff and I urge you to consider reading the book. 

I guess more than anything the more I learn of God, from God, and about God, I see this interconnectedness and it makes me view the world with that same wonder we all had as children.  It truly is an amazing and intricate web with an unbroken God at its center.

Vocation

My church has been having members of the parish occasionally preach on Sundays. They are asked to preach specifically on their vocation. Our rector always introduces these special sermons by quoting Fredrich Buechner (American writer & theologian) on what vocation is.

"Vocation is the place where our deep gladness meets the world's deep need.”

This past Sunday, Mary Yu delivered the message on her vocation and how God uses her as a King County Superior Court judge. Great message by an equally great person of faith.

I have been thinking about my own "vocation". In refering to Buechner's definition above, I would say that my "vocation" is follower/disciple of Jesus. I experience deep gladness when I am talking, thinking, sharing, or learning about God.

I am currently reading a great book on evangelism by Brian McLaren. In my last blog I quoted from him. One of the things that has struck me while reading this book is how far I have come in my view of what being a disciple of Christ really is.

While I in high school and college I "evangelized" every chance that I had. I felt called to lead others to Christ. This evangelizing was more of bullying and scaring people into accepting Jesus as their savior in order to escape hell. I had those verses referring to salvation committed to memory. I spent very little time really listening to those I was so desperately trying to lead to the cross and salvation. I had the answers and they just needed to listen and accept. Every time I walked away having failed to have the person I was talking to not get down on their knees and accept Christ, I felt dejected, sad and guilty that I could not save them from eternal damnation. WOW!

Needless to say that is not how I feel now. To me being a disciple of Jesus means being a light in darkness. Listening and loving those, who just like me, are struggling to find their path. It means letting Jesus lead me and treating others as fellow children of God - not sinners who desperately need salvation. It means sharing how my relationship with God deepens me and gives my life meaning and purpose. It means serving as a reflection, in every thing I do, of God's unfathomable love. That is my vocation.

... since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
1 John 4:11

Lyrics & passage

I have been crazy busy this week at work and have not taken my usual breaks to write.  Plus I just have not had any concise clear thoughts worthy of blogging about.  I have however been listening to a lot of music and reading every chance I get.  So no commentary, just reprinting of the lyrics of a song by Jennifer Knapp titled Breath on Me.  I discovered Jennifer Knapp about a month ago when I was reading Rachel Held Evans blog on Christians who have come out.  She rocks.  

Breathe on Me
No temptation seize a man that he can't overcome
who am I to be fallen?
Crack your back on a slab of wood
Come freedom, nail it down
I come crawling,
I come crawling

Come trickle down and save the world
two hands that I can't see
come breathe, come breathe,
come breathe on me
split-rib water, blood and bone
come now, come Calvary
come breathe, come breathe on me

Testimony come now, quickly, whisper in my ear:
celebration
Peace at last not far away, empty sheet, a borrowed grave:
salvation
come freedom, come
come freedom, come

Come trickle down and save the world
two hands that I can't see
come breathe, come breathe,
come breathe on me
split-rib water, blood and bone
come now, come Calvary
come breathe, come breathe on me
come breathe, come breathe on me

come freedom, come
come freedom, come
come freedom, come

Come trickle down and save the world
two hands that I can't see
come breathe, come breathe,
come breathe on me
split-rib water, blood and bone
come now, come calvary
come breathe, come breathe on me


Pretty powerful stuff.  It is everything I can do to not raise my hands high in the air when I hear this song or get down on my knees.  Both of which might alarm my co-workers and make them question my sanity.  Lately I have just been so on fire for God and feeling His presence so deeply.  Hard to contain myself.

The passage that I want to share is from More Ready Than You Realize by Brian McLaren. 

"Good evangelists are people who engage others in good conversation about important and profound topics, such as faith, values, hope, meaning, purpose, goodness, beauty, truth, life after death, life before death and God...Evangelists are people with a mission from God and a passion to love and serve their neighbors."