Richard

I see Richard twice a week on the days when I take the 5:45 ferry.  We both work for the City of Seattle so we end up riding the ferry and the bus together.  In the past, before the accident, we talked of our lives, our children, and what books we had recently read or were currently reading.  We bonded over these common interests and became friends. 

After the accident I did not see him for a couple of months but thought about him daily, prayed for him every chance I could and often wept for him.  The first day I saw him returning to work it was apparent that he did not want to talk.  His demeanor and the way he hung back away from people made it very clear that he did not want to interact with anyone.  When we got on the bus together I sat, just for a moment, in the seat next to him.  I touched him, verbally acknowledged his obvious need for privacy and told him that I was so very sorry for his loss.  Since that time he and I have talked occasionally.  

We no longer talk about our children.  The raw emotion of the tragedy, that resulted in the loss of his son, are just too painful for him to share. But he does not have to talk about this loss to me for me to feel the depths of his grief.  It is visible in his face and in the way he carries himself.  When I am with him I see that sorrow and I feel woefully inadequate to offer any comfort.  I can in no way imagine what he is going through and find it heroic that he is able to even get out of bed. 

From our conversations, I know that Richard does not hold to any faith tradition. This makes my heart ache and I so wish I could find a way to share Jesus with him in a way that would not come across as proselytizing.  I am sure he has heard his fill of:  “Ryan is in a better place” or any other statements talking of heaven or the afterlife.  The idea of heaven brings little comfort to those that truly believe it so how much comfort can it bring to someone who does not hold any faith in a life after death.

I know that in my life when tragedy has struck, I cling to God and seek Him for comfort.  The belief that God is always with me helps me with the feelings of isolation and the sense of loneliness that comes with deep grief.  Yet even with this sense of God’s presence, while in the depths of grief and the senselessness of tragedy, I often feel doubt. 

The age old question of why God allows such events to occur haunts me.   

This question goes back thousands of years. It was asked by Job and the writers of the Psalms.  It is a theme in both the Old and New Testaments and in the New Testament, Jesus flat out tells His disciples that there would be suffering in this world.  

When asked this question my short answer is that I don’t know.  I cannot see through God’s eyes or know His purpose.  Our finite perspective does not allow us to understand everything in the way that God’s infinite wisdom allows.  I trust what the Apostle Paul tells me in Corinthians 13:12 -“All I know now is partial and incomplete but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.”  

What I understand and call upon when tragedy strikes is that, although I firmly believe that God is in control, He did create us to have free will.  When God created us He wanted us to experience love but to give us the ability to love He had to give us the free will to choose whether or not to love.  Love always involves a choice.  If we were just programmed to say “I love you” it would be hollow and would not really be love.  Sadly, humans have abused these choices and have chosen to walk away from God and make choices that are not right.  This allows evil to exist.

There are two kinds of evil, moral and natural.  

Moral evil is the pain, suffering and tragedy that come because we choose to make choices that are selfish, arrogant, uncaring, hateful and abusive.  When there is famine people look at the famine and wonder why God has allowed it to happen, but the world produces enough food for each person and it is our own irresponsibility and self-centeredness that prevents people from getting fed. 

The other kind of evil is natural evil.  Natural evil are things like earthquakes, tornadoes, fires, hurricanes, and tsunamis.  Things that occur in nature that cause suffering for people. There are those that believe that these types of tragedies occur because man turned away from God and sin entered the world and I while I agree somewhat with that, I also believe that this is just a part of the natural world and the process of evolution.

I believe that while God did not create evil, He did create the potential for that evil to enter the world because it was the only way to create the potential for genuine love and goodness.  Our free will and the choices that we make that are away from God is what brought that potential evil into reality.

We know that God is omnipotent and has the ability of foresight but He also knew the incredible potential for deep joy, love and meaning.  Just as parents know that when they choose to have children there is the very real potential for heartache, pain and disappointment.  There is the chance that their child may reject them and even walk away.  Yet we still have kids because there is also the great potential that they will bring us boundless joy and meaning.

I also believe that, although God may not cause the suffering and that tragedies and suffering are not good, God can use it to accomplish good. 

For Richard none of this brings any comfort, all he knows is the pain of losing his child.  And at this point all I can do is to let Christ shine through me so that I can be a steadfast presence of God's love for him.  

I don’t have the answers but I believe in a God who loves us and can bring us peace if we only follow Him.  In that same verse that Jesus tells us that there will be suffering, He also tells us that He will bring us peace and that He will overcome the suffering of the world.   

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) 

The following quote by Lee Strobel rings so true:  "God’s ultimate answer to suffering isn’t an explanation; it’s the incarnation. Suffering is a personal problem; it demands a personal response. And God isn’t some distant, detached, and disinterested deity; He entered into our world and personally experienced our pain. Jesus is there in the lowest places of our lives. Jesus was broken for us.  He was rejected, hated and despised; he was a man of sorrows and personally acquainted with deep grief.  He was loved and He was rejected and denied."

While they were suffering in a Nazi death camp at Ravensbruck, Betsie ten Boom told her sister Corrie the following as she was dying: “There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still.” 

I pray that Richard in some way feels God’s love.  

I pray that we all do.